Side chicks and the quiet sh0rtening of men’s lives

Side chicks and the quiet shortening of men’s lives

Let’s start gently, because this is not an article written to accuse, embarrass, or moralise. Many men reading this will recognise parts of this story, even if they have never used the language. Others will know someone who fits it perfectly. And a few will dismiss it immediately. That is fine. The question here is not about virtue. It is about consequences. Specifically, what long term side relationships do to men’s health, stability, and longevity.

In Nigeria, the idea of the “side chick” has moved from private behaviour to public shorthand. It is joked about on social media, hinted at in music, and sometimes quietly admired in male circles. What is rarely discussed is what living a double emotional and sexual life does to the men involved. Not to their image. To their bodies. Their minds. Their lifespan.

The first cost is stress. Sustained, chronic stress.

Medical research has consistently shown that prolonged secrecy and deception raise cortisol levels in the body. Cortisol is useful in short bursts. Over time, it becomes destructive. High cortisol is linked to hypertension, heart disease, weakened immunity, and stroke. A man managing multiple relationships is often managing multiple lies, timelines, phones, emotional expectations, and the constant fear of exposure. That pressure does not disappear because he looks calm on the outside.

 

Many Nigerian men already live under economic and social stress. Adding a double life compounds it.

Then there is sleep. Poor sleep is one of the most underestimated killers of middle aged men. Late nights, emotional arguments, constant phone monitoring, and mental agitation all disrupt rest. Studies published in journals like The Lancet and Sleep Medicine Reviews have linked chronic sleep deprivation to cardiovascular disease and early mortality. You cannot cheat biology, even if you think you are cheating the system.

Sexual health risks are another layer, and one many men prefer not to dwell on. Multiple partners increase exposure to sexually transmitted infections, including those that remain asymptomatic for long periods. What worsens the risk is secrecy. Men delay testing. Symptoms are ignored. Treatment is postponed. Conditions that could have been managed early become complicated later.

Research from the World Health Organization consistently shows that men are more likely than women to delay seeking medical help. When secrecy is added to that tendency, outcomes worsen.

Beyond physical health is the mental load. Living fragmented lives comes at a psychological cost. Guilt, anxiety, and emotional dissonance do not always show up as sadness. In men, they often show up as irritability, impulsive behaviour, substance use, or emotional withdrawal. Over time, this internal fragmentation can contribute to depression and risky coping mechanisms.

Mental health professionals increasingly speak about the toll of identity splitting, the effort required to be different versions of oneself in different spaces. It is exhausting. And exhaustion ages people.

Money is another quiet pressure point. Maintaining side relationships often involves significant spending. Gifts. Rent. Transport. Social appearances. The financial strain is not always dramatic, but it is cumulative. Financial stress is a well documented contributor to high blood pressure, anxiety disorders, and poor health outcomes in men, particularly in their forties and fifties.

 

Then there are the risks that people whisper about, but rarely analyse openly. Violence. Blackmail. Exposure. In Nigeria, stories of assaults, public confrontations, extortion, and even sudden deaths linked to relationship disputes surface regularly. These are not everyday outcomes, but they are real enough to matter. Longevity is not only about disease. It is also about avoiding preventable danger.

Another underestimated cost is the erosion of primary support systems. Men often assume they will always have access to care, loyalty, and emotional support when they need it. But trust, once damaged, is difficult to rebuild. Studies in social health research show that married men in stable relationships tend to live longer, not because marriage is magical, but because consistent care and emotional stability matter during illness and ageing.

Side relationships may feel energising in the short term, but they often weaken the very networks men rely on later in life.

Culture plays a role too. In many male spaces, infidelity is normalised or even celebrated. Warnings are dismissed as weakness. Self restraint is mocked. Peer reinforcement lowers internal brakes, making risky behaviour feel ordinary. When a pattern is applauded, few stop to question its long term cost.

 

To be clear, not every man with a side partner will suffer dramatic health consequences. Correlation is not destiny. Some men engage in multiple risky behaviours and still live long lives. But patterns matter. And the pattern here is clear enough to deserve honest reflection.

This is not about moral superiority. It is about self preservation.

Longevity is not only about what you eat or how often you exercise. It is about alignment. About reducing unnecessary stress. About protecting your body from avoidable strain. About choosing stability over constant emotional turbulence.

In the end, the question is simple. Not whether side relationships feel exciting. But whether they are worth the quiet costs they accumulate over time.

 

Because many men do not suddenly collapse. They slowly wear down. And by the time the bill arrives, the pleasures that justified the risk have long faded.

Adebawo is an accomplished business leader and communications expert with extensive experience in the oil and gas industry. He currently serves as the General Manager of Government, Joint Venture, and External Relations at Heritage Energy. Adebawo is also an author, scholar, and ordained minister, known for his writings on socioeconomic
issues, strategic communication and leadership.